An Awful, Horrible Thing

I may have quite possibly done the worst possible thing ever. I mean, really, the worst thing ever.

Last night after dinner, Chad was cleaning up and I was sitting at the island with his laptop looking up various things he tossed my way...random information I can't seem to remember because of the horrible thing I did. Because he is so wonderful he made us both some green tea with honey (our new obsession since he's had to medically give up coffee). It was delicious and sweet and scalding hot just the way I like it...with extra honey.

Chad took out the garbage and Charlie stood next to me to see what I was typing and reading. I have tried and tried to remember what happened next but I can't figure out what I did. All I can remember is the burning feeling in my lap and the shock of seeing my tea cup UPSIDE DOWN on Chad's laptop. His work laptop. His work laptop full of sermon notes and various other VERY IMPORTANT things.

I sat frozen, with my mouth open, staring at the laptop. Next to me, Charlie made this horrible "ooooohhhhh...." sound. Sort of half-moan, half-whisper. Then he freaked out and started saying "Where's Dad? Oh, man! Where's Dad? This is BAD, Mom. This IS BAD!"

At that moment Chad came back into the kitchen while I still hadn't moved (the laptop had gone black the instant the tea hit the keyboard) and tears where rolling down my face. Charlie yelled out "Mom spilled the hot tea!" and Chad immediately ran over and grabbed my arms.

"Did you burn yourself?"

I couldn't answer. Yes, I had burned my legs and they HURT but all I could do was lift up the laptop and watch the hot tea ran off the sides. The look of horror on Chad's face made me so nauseated I almost lost it. He turned back to me.

"Did you burn yourself?"

I nodded but still didn't speak.

"Let's clean you up." He took a dishtowel to soak up the excess then sent me to the bedroom to change. I took my time. I took a shower, found my softest pj's, and basically moved as slowly as possible, dreading what was waiting for me when I returned to the kitchen.

When I opened the bedroom door Chad and the boys were snuggling on the couch. They'd saved me a spot. I cried a lot more and couldn't do the words justice that Chad said to me. He wasn't mad. He wasn't stressed out. The laptop was broken- we'd try to fix it and if we couldn't we'd figure out what to do after that. He called "the computer guy" and followed some very specific instructions.

And then he went to the store and got us ice cream. Because he's just that great.

I've spent the evening downloading his library programs ( www.e-sword.net ), Bibles, commentaries, etc. So he can redo some of his work this week. He's a smart guy and backs up his computer regularly so most of his files were reachable.

And for the next few days we wait while the computer dries out. And I pace for whatever reason while he peaceably goes about his day. I wish I could be like that.

Oh, Vacation....

We spent the entire day yesterday at HersheyPark. An amusement park that celebrates chocolate. Is there anything better? Charlie is just big enough to ride the roller coasters and he is fearless! The man went on rollercoaster after rollercoaster and giggled harder than I've ever heard him giggle.

I rode on a very scary rollercoaster with Chad. We waited in line for one hour so that I could close my eyes, hold my breath, and fear death more than I've ever feared it my life. I wish I at least would have opened my eyes. Terrifying.

We are spending this week visiting with friends we rarely see and it's wonderful. We had lunch today at the Chocolate Cafe with a great friend, we got coffee at our favorite coffee shop in the entire world, and we stopped at the greatest book warehouse we know. I had 10 books in my hand but cut back to 2. And then I got 4 for the boys. And Charlie got 2 more for himself. We are a house of book lovers! We are staying with our best friends in the whole world with all of our screaming children and their barking dogs and it's still a totally relaxing trip. I love friends like that!

I've taken pictures but I can't find the cord to download them. I've got a great rollercoaster picture- Charlie and me in the front seat of the Super Dooper Looper! I'm blowing it up and framing it!

The show we can't miss

We are back. I've dug myself out from under the all of those "things to do after we've been gone for days and other people stayed at our house." Not to mention Henry's ear infection that won't die, the worst flu ever, and scrambling to get ready for the family vacation that's been on the calendar for months (the surgery was not on the calendar).

While we were in Minnesota we stayed at a Mennonite boarding house recommended to us by other patients. It was peaceful and the people who ran it were kind. We enjoyed it very much and will probably stay there again. There was no TV or wifi, of course, which normally isn't a problem as there are plenty of coffee shops around and things to do besides watch tv. However, my husband's favorite show (the only one he never misses) was having it's season finale and Chad was determined that we would not miss it.

There is a McDonald's out there with TV's in the booth's so at about 10 minutes to 8:00 we trekked down there and ordered or snacks. And realized the tv's only show two channels- the weather channel and the news. So then Chad thought a hotel lobby might work and I would not do it- that's just desperation. We were down to two minutes before the show when I said:

"Even though you aren't checked in yet, aren't you technically a patient for Mayo?"

"Yeah?"

"So, technically, couldn't we watch tv in one of the lobbies of the hospital?"

We ran into the hospital and went to information and Chad blurted,

"I'm a patient at May0...I'm having surgery tomorrow...we are staying somewhere with no tv...my favorite show is having it's season finale in one minute."

The kind, elderly volunteer smiled and pointed at the elevators.

"Family waiting room 7th floor."

Awesome! We were the only ones in there and enjoyed the standard hit tv show cliffhanger. We may have missed the point a little on the peace and tranquility of staying somewhere with so little technology but really, cold turkey? And it was the season finale.....

Oh, the packing...

The flight we have tomorrow is on a small plane. Not small as in private jet plane but small as in the kind of plane people crash alot. I'm very scared. Very thankful for the flight...very scared to crash. Especially since we are flying over Lake Michigan. My heart is in my throat even as I type this. We are only allowed 15lbs. per person in luggage which at first I didn't think was going to be that hard.


I did every stitch of laundry in the house last night so I had all options available to me while I packed. Do you have any idea how hard it is to pack only 15lbs for one week? There were clothes all over the bed that I was trying to mix and match. I had one of those pull behind suitcases half full and decided to weigh it...15lbs! Darn.


It must have been the wheels. And the fancy pull out handle. Chad found a duffel bag in the closet and we were both able to fit all our clothes in there. Chad only needs clothes for 2 days and pajama pants the rest of the time. We weighed it...15lbs! Now we have some wiggle room for the extra stuff.

I have post it notes all over the place with last minute things I need to pack. I have my mini shampoo, mini toothpaste, and my mom even got me a mini hairspray. My makeup bag has the bare essentials in it. I have lists everywhere for my mom like "What the kids eat", "Bedtime Routine", "What Charlie will say he can do and what he actually CANNOT do", and those things I know Grandma's throw in the trash as soon as I'm gone.

One good thing about packing so light is I'm learning a lot about simplicity. What do I really need? So often I over pack for trips and end up taking things I never use or even remember I packed. There is something refreshing about only carrying the basics with me. At least, am sure it will be refreshing once I get there. For now, packing is a little stressful...

My random post...

I have been missing in action on the internet but definately not in my non-computer life. It's been nothing BUT action around there! I'm apologizing ahead of time for a very boring post filled with lots of exclamation points. The next post will be better, I hope!

• Today was Charlie's last day of preschool. There was a little ceremony and picnic to celebrate. I always thought preschool graduations were so silly...it's just preschool. Until it was my son's preschool graduation. I was actually a little teary! His teacher was just phenomenal. She was my first impression of the public school system in our town and I am impressed. She is coming for a wrap-up home visit at the end of the month and I'll probably gush all over her.
• Henry has a horrid ear infection. Charlie never had one and Henry has only had two. This one is killer. The last two nights he'll wake up in his bed and scream. The only thing that soothes him is The Wiggles. I've had enough of the midnight visits from The Wiggles! I was singing "Wiggly Party" while I drove to work this morning. Please, ear infection, go away!
• Chad and I are off to Mayo again next week. He has a minor surgery that will have major results. We are excited (for the results- not for the actual surgery)! But the last few days have been about getting the boys routines together, getting my house ready (my parents are staying with the boys), and PACKING. Packing is tricky this time. We qualified for a flight from Wings of Mercy, a non-profit organization that flies patients to far away hospitals for free. It may have something to do with the fact we have been to Minnesota 8 times in the last year! The flight is a small private plane so we are limited to 15lbs each. That's about the size of a carry on each...and we'll be there a week. A week! Any packing tips would be greatly appreciated!
• I pre-shopped two garage sales this week and got TONS of clothes for Henry and Charlie. Honestly, I spent $30 and got them enough clothes to last a year (or more depending on how fast they grow!). I was thrilled. One of my friends told me "I just want to get rid of it all- everything is a quarter..." Some of the stuff was like new! Woohoo! With boys, I'm all about garage sale clothes. Boys are destructive! I also sold some things on consignment and was able to pick up some summer clothes for myself at the shop. My prize? A red Ann Taylor dress for $15. I've never had a red dress and I love it!
• My mother in law is in charge of the annual hospice auction tomorrow night. We, of course, are automatic workers since we are relatives and all. I love the auction! It's so much fun! And it's awesome to see the hard work she puts into it come to fruition in one big bang! We look forward to it every year and I can't wait to go. It's like a really fun date night only Chad works one of the silent auction tables and I'm on the tear down crew. So technically we aren't anywhere near each other...but it's still lots of fun!
• Last but not least...we have the scariest ant hill ever in our front yard. Just thinking about it makes me itch. Chad told me not to go near it but I wanted to see for myself. It's huge! Honestly, it's as big around as a table top and the holes are mini m&m size. There are massive armies of ants crawling all over each other in and out of holes. Gag. I'm so grossed out I can hardly stand it. The ant killers are coming today (some men from the church) and I'm praying those ants go away. Honestly, someone told Chad to dig up the anthill...can you imagine? I'm envisioning ants swarming the shovel and overtaking Chad, dragging him down into their ant village underground. Blech!! Ants!!!

I'll be updating while we are away next week. There are no distractions out there... just me and Chad hanging out in the hospital room! Have a great weekend!

Cold Cup, Warm Heart

This afternoon Chad and I were sitting in the den talking through an incredibly stressful situation bearing down on us right now. We were talking quietly but I'm sure Charlie noticed the intensity of the conversation.

I could see him out of the corner of my eye, standing next to me. He whispered "Mom?...Mom?" until I turned and said "Yes, Charlie..."

Again he spoke quietly, "I brought something just for you..."

It was his blue plastic cup he normally drinks from and inside was a brown liquid. I didn't have tea in the fridge or any pop so I couldn't think of what it was.

"Oh, thank you. What is it?" I asked.

"Coffee!" he said proudly.

And wouldn't you know...it was coffee. I had made it earlier in the day and left a little bit in the pot. It had been a few hours.

"I poured it myself. I thought you would really need it." And he stood there with concern waiting for me to drink the cold, filmy liquid.

I glanced at Chad and he gave me a humored yet sympathetic look that said, "you'd better drink it." So I did.

I gave Charlie a great big hug and thanked him "very much". And even though that coffee was cold and awful tasting my heart was warm.

Morning Conversation

I'm on the couch in the living room listening to the conversation of my husband and my 1 year old.

Henry: Hi-ee! Ted-ee! (Henry always says good morning by showing us his bear)

Chad: Good Morning, Henry!

Henry: Ted-ee!

Chad: Sorry, good morning Teddy...

Henry: Crah-ker! (cracker doesn't mean cracker- it means whatever he's talking about at the moment)

Chad: How about some eggs?

Henry: Crah-ker! Crahker!

Chad: Eggs are good...(talking to himself I think)

Henry: (marching around the island) Crah-ker, Crah-ker, Crah-ker....

Chad: Want to stir the eggs?

Henry: Yeah, yeah, yeah....

Chad: Yucky!...Don't!.... Wait! ....ack....

And now I'm off to see what that's all about....and eat some eggs.

The Parsonage

We live in a little white house next to our church. I love it for so many reasons. The house itself is small but the layout uses every bit of space to the fullest. The back yard is large and there is swingset and a deck.

My husband can walk to work, come home for lunch, and come home just because he wants to say hi. I can leave for church ten minutes before the service starts and still be there 'early.' We love living in the parsonage.

However-

There is a drawback. Everyone knows when they drive by that clearly, this little white house on the church property is the parsonage. Therefore, the pastor and his family must live there. It's great that people know that...

Unless they drove by this afternoon and saw that Charlie had tied himself to the big oak tree between our house and the church. Tied...himself....to the tree.

No, I wasn't watching him and yes, his dad WAS watching him and thought it was funny. I didn't take a picture because I was pretty sure that having a child tied to a tree wasn't legal and I didn't want proof. Thank goodness this is a small town and the local cop is the brother of one of our church members. And the other cop was my youth leader growing up. Because really, having the pastor's kid tied the tree could be a little embarrassing.

Animal Crackers

On Sunday nights I pack a snack for big church that Charlie can have if he's quiet. He watches the clock and knows when the long hand gets to the six he can have the snack. He likes to make it last as long as possible and I'm amazed at his ability to prolong the life of a bag of animal crackers.

The great thing about Charlie is he is the best "sharer." In his bag he had some whole animal crackers and lots of broken pieces. He set two whole crackers on my Bible while I was listening to the service. I hid them in my fist until his bag was empty. When he put the last cracker in his mouth and the look of disappointment that comes at the end of a snack filled his eyes, I opened my fist and handed him one of the crackers. He smiled a great a big smile and bit the cracker in half. He held it out to me...and then took it back and bit it in half again. He handed me the leg of a camel for myself.

I held out my fist one more time with the last cracker. Thrilled with the opportunity to redeem his sharing habit he instantly bit it in half and gave me the bigger half. I'm fairly certain he gets his sharing quality from his dad.

When we were first married and incredibly broke (as most newlyweds are) Chad would ask how much we had left in the account after the bills were paid. I'd tell him and he would promptly give it away. Give it away. It would make me so crazy! I'd work hard to stretch our pennies and he would give away the clothes on his back (not in a metaphoric way- he has really given people the shirt he was wearing). But on the other hand there is no greater quality than to know all this "stuff" is for giving. Time, energy, clothes, money, food, shelter...the more we have the more we can give.

I'm so proud to see Charlie copy this behavior. A week ago someone gave him a brand new Superman action figure. Brand new. And the best part was he had done something to earn it which made him take even more pride in it. As soon as Henry saw the new toy he reached for it and Charlie said, "Henry! Look! A new Superman for us to share!"

I told a new parent friend that kids don't just love their parents- they adore them. And they show it by copying the behaviors that are the strongest. I'm not quite ready to confess the habits my kids copy in me (not good ones) but I will brag on the ones that they have picked up from their dad. Those are the ones I'd like to copy, too.

Not my baby anymore

My baby is no longer a baby anymore and I'm not exactly sure when that happened. I always talk to my kids. I ask questions, I tell them about my day, I point out animals, shapes or objects. Today I noticed Henry knew exactly what I was talking about and he responded. We were all playing in the yard and I yelled, "Okay, Henry! Time for bath!" and no kidding, he climbed out of the sandbox, trotted into the house and headed straight for the tub.

The thing is, I'm sure he's been responding and understanding for a long time. He's 14 months old for pete's sake. He says a bunch of words ("cracker" is his favorite) and mimics everything Charlie does. I guess I missed the point where he turned from baby to toddler. This past year was a long one. Henry didn't have a normal first year.

When he was six weeks old we made a trip out to Mayo Clinic for a "routine" check up. Chad and three of his siblings (there are 7 of them in all) have a genetic disorder called MEN-1. I'll spare you the details but basically we all have a gene that helps prevent tumors in the endocrine system and theirs is defective. Not a big deal if we keep an eye on it. A very big deal if we don't. His mom died when he was 13 because they had no idea she had it. Things can get very out of hand and cancer can develop. We had been watching it and nothing was happening so we thought maybe Chad was one of the lucky ones and no problems would ever develop. We were wrong.

After four days of testing the doctors discovered that Chad had 11+ malignant tumors in his pancreas. One the size of a golf ball was actually outside the pancreas and beginning to attach itself to the small intestine. A month later he had to have 3/4 of his pancreas removed. The recovery was rough. He got a blood clot behind his knee and had to be on full bed rest for a week. He had a pancreatic leak that they discovered after we left Mayo. When he went to the hospital in our state he caught a horrible bacteria that kept him in and out of the hospital for the majority of the summer. We traveled to Mayo clinic a total of 5 times (6?) in less than 7 months.

Charlie stayed with friends and family a lot. He adjusted really well. Henry was so little that I couldn't bear to leave him with anyone. So, I strapped on one of those infant carriers and took him with me. Everywhere. He took naps in hospital chairs pushed up against the wall. Sometimes he slept in the suitcase. He hung out with the nurses, visited all the local coffee shops or anywhere there was wifi, and we took frequent walks to the atrium. We spent some good quality time together last summer but it was abnormal. His baby book is blank and I don't have nearly as many photos of him as I would like. A lot of the ones I do have are from the hospital. I managed to scribble some of his milestones on a calendar in his room but for me, he's still a baby. I feel like I missed the whole year.

As sad as I am that he's not my little baby anymore, I love the stage he's in right now. He runs to me with hugs and kisses me all over my face. He climbs up into my lap with books he picked off the shelf all by himself. He impresses me with his animal noises and if he makes a face that makes me laugh he holds the expression as long as possible. He doesn't cry in the morning when he wakes up- he sings and calls my name. He says, "Ah, luv," and wraps his chubby arms around my legs while I'm getting him his bottle. I'm crazy about this boy. And I won't focus on what I missed. I'll simply savor every day from here on.

The desires of my heart...

Chad and I have started emailing each other. That's kind of a big deal because Chad used to never check his email. Ever. Once a week I'd get in there and tell him he had 100 emails and 3 were urgent from 4 days ago. Finally his dad convinced him life would run a lot more smoothly if he used his email. So he started and now he's hooked. Granted, generally his emails consist of a quick question or a quick answer. For example:

Chad: What's for dinner?

My reply: I think I might try a new chicken dish....guess what happened to me today...and then I was thinking blue for the bedroom...have you seen my white shirt?

Chad's reply: I like chicken. See you at 5.

But yesterday was a little different. I received two emails from him within a 15 minute span and when I opened them I thought he had accidentally sent me something wrong. There were words on the page...lots of them. Paragraphs even. In both emails.

I can't even begin to tell you what they were about. Let's just say the Lord heard a prayer I've been praying silently in my heart for almost two years. Chad had been reviewing his notes for Wednesday night Bible study and was really convicted by what he was learning. I was almost in tears reading about what the Lord had showed him. The first email he told me was about a realization he had. The second email started like this, "Do you ever have a day when you just can't get over how wonderful your life is?"

We have had a rough couple of years. A big move, a new job, a miscarriage, scary health issues...and it's been tough to get back on our feet spiritually. We've been encouraging each other, picking each other up and dusting each other off hoping to get our strength back. Those emails have been a long time coming. If I hadn't been at work when I read them I would have jumped up and down. It's so true that the Lord knows the desires of our hearts and that he'll bring those things about in His time. I could have nagged Chad for these last two years and no good would have come from that. Instead I silently cried out in my heart and the Lord heard me. And for that I am incredibly thankful.